As time catches up to our bodies, the lingering thought of ending our festival shenanigans becomes more and more frequent. In fact, every time a raver utters, “This is my last EDC” an angel snaps a piece of kandie. Let’s not forget the humiliation from being chastised by your friends for wanting to grow up. So there’s actually no better time to realize that you’re an adult then now as festival season approaches. Remember, you’re a mature adult, and music festivals are for kids.
Phase 1: Tell all of your friends that you have other things to focus on. When your friends ask if you will be joining their group for a fest, tell them that you’re taking a different direction this season. Your friends are going to be sneaky and tell you that plane tickets are super cheap when you buy in advance and that the event isn’t even expensive, but don’t let them fool you. Rebuttal their claim with comments like: “With all that money for the festival I could be traveling the world. I’ve already been to enough events, and I need to do something different.” Your head should be high with your chest sticking out, so your friends know you’re serious, especially if you bring this up every conversation.
Phase 2: Make sure you post on Facebook at least once a week about how you’re grown up and aren’t going to be doing any festivals this year. Don’t forget to comment on your friends’ festival post about how you’re not going this year. You know, just to make sure that you drive the point home. Avoid social media when your friends are at the event cuz you don’t need to see that stuff. When you do decide to go onto social media, comment on their picture about how crowded the festival looks or how it was better last year when you went. Just as a friendly critique, because that’s what friends do!
Phase 3: Delete your Snapchat and Instagram account. No explanation needed. You’re now more adult than they are and you don’t need them sending you pictures and videos of their sinful pleasure. You’re not weak; you just ain’t got time for that.
Phase 4: Avoid your friends. The only thing they are going to want to talk about when they see you is how much fun they had or how cool of a time it was. So you just need to avoid them. If you simply cannot avoid them IRL, then you’re screwed. When they bring up anything remotely close to the festival, make sure you change the subject as fast as possible. They are still riding the festival high. Once they start, they probably won’t shut their mouths about it. Those inconsiderate a-holes. Not that you’re regretting not going or anything. If they comment on your inability to hear about another story about “how fucked up they got,” or “how sick that drop was,” then remind them that the festival is over and that they are in real life now. Remind them that you are adulting now and you’re over all that kiddie stuff.
Phase 5: Get new friends. Because everyone is probably going to hate you now for shitting on them as they continuously remind you how fun the festival was and how you should have gone. It’s not like you asked for their opinion anyways. But it’s not your fault every time you scoff or make a sarcastic comment when your friends are smiling while they describe the crazy stage designs at EDC, or how much fun they had seeing different artists at Outsidelands. You just choose to be more mature than them this year because you are trying to change your life and be an actual adult. Yeah, sitting around with your new friends and talking about getting engaged and taxes is much more interesting than hearing about that sick-ass pregame where your buddy hooked up with that raver crush that you’ve always had but never had the opportunity to. But you can’t be mad at him because she’s a person who can make her own choices and you’re not a prick who call dibs on girls because you respect women because you’re an adult now. Yeah, it’s all cool, bro.
Phase 6: Just because you want to get some new sick-ass beats for the gym, download some live sets. If there is a live stream, then check it out. Not because you miss it or because you’re a little jealous of all the fun your friends were having while you were striking out at the bars. You’re on track with life now. You don’t miss them or miss those cool ass firework displays at Nocturnal.
Phase 7: Cry. At the end of festival season, curl up in your bed and turn off all the lights as you cry your eyes out knowing that you fucked up. All the good festivals are done, and now it’s wintertime, and it’s cold as shit. Cry even harder when you realized that all the money you saved from being an adult is gone because you spent it all at bars drinking while all of your friends were away and now you’re just as broke as you would have been if you went to a festival. I suggest that you put on some Death Cab for Cutie during this phase.
Truthfully, there is no real or correct way to adult during festival season. The culture of friendship and your sense of musical adventure will always be a part of you. I’ll let the overused Above & Beyond quote sum it up: “Life is made up of moments like these.” We can all get married and push out a baby out later. Life is all about balance and making sure you lived it to the fullest with no regrets. If you really want to go, just suck it up and buy the ticket. Don’t be a dumbass.