Festival News

The War on Raves: Will the Latest Bill Pass?

A proposed permanent ban for Electronic Dance Music events in the United States is currently under review. The news has crushed and devastated the rave community. 

A recent incident at Ultra Music Festival involved a fan wearing bright orange face paint. He was screaming vulgar things​ about the government on the live broadcast and kept repeating, “MAKE RAVES GREAT AGAIN !” He was also holding and dancing with a corn husk totem. A certain individual who’s a pretty big deal in the White House Administration, is allegedly very offended. The accusing individual says they wish to remain anonymous until the “orange man” is “disciplined accordingly.” The accuser says that the orange man has greatly slandered his character and has directly violated the law of PLUR. 

 

“Why doesn’t the FAKE News talk about the meaning behind PLUR and how mocking me is NOT PLUR?” the anonymous accuser recently stated. “This is really an OUTCRY and a DISGRACE to the United States of America.” 

 

Fans immediately responded to the statement, creating a viral tweet storm. Some even apologized on behalf of the orange man’s behavior. 

 

The White House Administration has enforced a full investigation of the incident. They have also  proposed a ban for any type of dance music gatherings. Participants in any such gathering (deemed as “any group larger than two playing Electronic Dance Music at a volume of more than two decibals”). A fine of $1,000 is also possible. Individuals can also face possible jail time. Additionally, any objects that bring ravers joy, (such as: any neon colored clothing, pasties, glow sticks, hoola hoops) will no longer be allowed to be manufactured. 

 

That’s all the information we have now. Our staff writers will send updates when they learn more. They’ll also be sure to remind you that it’s April Fools!  

 

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